With Or Without You
by Shia's Throbbing Manhood
Summary: John and Chas are together, deeply and madly in love and evil comes to their doorstep to tear them apart. It's up to Chas to make things right. Chastine cuz Chastine rules! Complete! Yay!
1. Chapter 1

With Or Without You

Part One

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, it all belongs to people much cooler than me.

It was a hot, hot evening in Los Angeles. The smog was festering, the skies black as the bottom of an un-creamed cup of coffee. The windows were opening, blowing in the smoky breeze and Chas was sitting on the window ledge, awaiting the arrival of his paramour. Tonight was the night, the night that a wedding of souls would occur. He had thought on the relationship he had with one, John Constantine. There had been so much passion, so much love between the two. But tonight, tonight was different. Tonight, Chas was to become a man. He longed so badly to be joined with his sarcastic knight, the prince of his dreams. He thought about it and longed for it, longed like a fat kid longed for an Extra Value Meal from McDonald's.

In he walked, with the grace of a mongoose. He walked in a confident stride, like a horse trotting in the front yard of Buckingham Palace. Chas drooled at the sight of him, a mighty, magnificent creature; one that had must have escaped Homer when he wrote the "Iliad" or at least the writer of some romance novel that graced the bedside of Chas. He had dark, exotic looks, belonging to a samurai of old or at least one of the cooks at Benihana. He took a seat across from him and took his hand into his, feeling the pulse beneath his boy flesh.

"Alas, fair young chuck, I have returned!" he proclaimed before placing a kiss onto his hand.

"I've missed you," Chas said as he nuzzled that slim hand in his own.

"Now, we must retire to the bedchamber, where I can deflower thee. Oh sweet beloved. I long for this moment!" he cried aloud. Apparently, there had been a lot of longing going on in the apartment above the bowling alley.

John swept Chas into his arms, like a groom taking his bride into his arms and escorting him across the threshold. Chas was nervous, nervous like a fundamentalist Christian at a gay pride parade. What was to come this night, him oh adoring bride? He had hoped that he could fulfill every expectation that John had had for him. John hoisted him onto the bed and then ripped his expensive shirt baring his chest.

"My loins are on fire for you!" John cried. "Come my adoring chuck, I must take you now as the passion overwhelms me."

The sex was hot, hot like hell, hot like hot tamales, hot like level three nuclear chili. There was much shouting of their overwhelming passion for one another. Chas' cried aloud that he loved him as he was impaled by John's throbbing manhood. They came together in perfect unison, like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing a Christmas song. He laid there, sweat jelling like Jell-O across his boy frame and he let out an appreciative moan. His samurai covered him in kisses, slowly, like a butterfly floating over the continent of his body.

"I love thee, my love," John said as he fell asleep. But far soothe, something bad, really, really bad happened. The room went dark as night and Chas could have swore that he heard the faint fluttering of wings, or it could have been a Bush song or possibly even "Hollaback Girl." After such a beautiful union, this had to happen; some dark villain had to sweep away with his beloved. He could hear his cries and his calling out for him. Chas was defenseless but he had an idea who it might be.


	2. Chapter 2

With or Without You

Part Two

It had been a couple of days on the street and no word about his beloved samurai. He had checked every place, including under the bed and in the bathroom but he couldn't find him. Chas was not stupid, however. He knew who done it but he still needed more evidence. He needed that sort of clarity.

Balthazar. A name he hated, a name he despised, not as much as Barney or Fred but a name he despised nevertheless. He was the villain, the man in black, the Joker to his Batman, the Bowser to his Super Mario. He plotted against the happiness that John and him had, for he was a demon and demons could never be anything than evil. Even though there were other pressing things for the demon to do, such as the corruption of souls and world domination, he chose to focus on John's and Chas' unhappiness. Chas didn't understand it. He thought that maybe, Balthazar should have had his own demon boyfriend instead of going after John. Chas' hands would ball into fists every time he heard Balthazar's maniacal laughter and saw the image of Balthazar twiddling his fingers like Mr. Burns off of "The Simpsons." It was just far too traumatic for him.

Chas stood in front of his cab, wrench in hand, doing some small repairs. His mind kept going back to John, seeing his smiling face, smelling his perfume of musk and cheap liquor. Oh where was he without his shining prince? There was no one to hold him and he knew that John had to be missing him too; he couldn't imagine John not being able to cuddle with his Chassy Bear and having someone to hold him as he cried. Chas would do so, and then make him hot chocolate and tell him a bedtime story to soothe his fears. John had a love of the story, "The Three Little Pigs" and Chas would tell him that one with enthusiasm, for he knew that it meant a lot to him, reminding him of his sweet dear mother's voice.

"I'll… huff… and…. I'll puff," Chas caught himself. "And… and… I'll blow your house down!" Chas burst into tears, it all becoming too much for him. He leaned against the car and let it out. He was assured that he would never see his Benihana cook again.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" a honeyed voice asked.

Chas looked up and realized that it was Ellie. Ellie was his flame on the side, one that burned but not as brightly as it had did for John. She was a birthday cake candle compared to the towering inferno that was his heat for John. She was a cute demon-half breed, dressed in a floral print dress and the only and I mean only demon half-breed that Chas made an exception for, since she had smiled at him when she ran out of the hospital, covered in holy-water burns and screaming in pain. It was all because of his charm and how he said, "What's up!" Chas knew that was an impressive arsenal when it came to charming women, no matter their species.

"It's… It's… John," he had to regain his composure. He was a man, for Christ-sakes and he had to act damn manly.

"I've heard, rumors, all sorts of things," Ellie said.

"I know," Chas said. He finished crying, no more tears, crying was something that sissy-coward Balthazar would do.

"I know what happened, Chas, I know," Ellie's eyes got big.

"What?" Chas asked.

"Balthazar stole him, stole him to be a part of his evil sex ring in the basement of the BZR building. Since he captured him, he has made him wear Lederhosen and dance to polka and then have… no, I can't say it," Ellie had to stop herself, it was becoming too much.

"What?" Chas leaned forward.

"They have nasty, crude, boy-sex, terrible, terrible sex stuff that I can't say here. All John does is cry out for you and whispers: I'll huff and puff," Ellie said completely horrified. "Also, he has an accomplice. His accomplice, no one knows who it is, except that they go by the name of "Evie Carnahan." She's ruthless, from what I've heard, so ruthless. You've got to stop this, Chas, you have to!" Ellie cried out.

"I will, I'll go and find the assholes myself," Chas said as he walked away from the cab.

He had enough of it; he was fed up of the evil in his town and the evil to break up him and his man-lover. He was going to take them down, all of them. Nobody messed with mother-fucking Chas Kramer and I mean no one. He walked away from Ellie who was staring at him, hands clasped against her mouth and hoping that this mighty warrior might be able to save them all from Balthazar's perverted past-times. He was going to show that prissy, vain queen once and for all, why you either watch baseball or play Pac-Man!

He walked into the apartment and he pulled out John's holy shot-gun. He had wondered why he had called it John's for he had used it more than him. He had saved John so many times, and now, he had to do it again. He fired off one round and it blew away that empty Cristal bottle that the foul fiend had left behind.

"It's on, assholes," he said as he walked out of there, his jacket billowing in the wind.


	3. Chapter 3

With Or Without You

Part Three

-Meanwhile, Elsewhere-

Balthazar was in a completely malicious mood, the mood he found himself in quite often. As he walked along the halls of the BZR building, he let out a maniacal laugh. "Mwahahaha!" he let out and he cackled again. Balthazar had remembered that technique he had learned from the bestselling book in Hell, "How to Be a Malicious Overlord and Take over Humanity," by A. Demon. He had learned that laughing like a mad-man could inspire terrible and dreadful things, things he aspired to and hoped to accomplish before the first cup of coffee in the morning. He wanted time for other things, such as shopping, getting his nails done and redesigning his lush, luxury, penthouse apartment. As he strolled, he hoped that his copy of "House Beautiful" would be in his mail-box when he got home.

When he got to the bookcase that sat quite conspicuously in the hallway, in the front lobby. His fingers ran along side the antique books that sat upright in the shelves. He had found the one that he had wanted and pulled it back, opening a secret passage that he had put in last month. Balthazar had awoken one morning and had thought of this most nefarious plot and he had felt oh so optimistic about it. He lived for making John and Chas' life miserable and he knew that this plot would do so and any plot that featured an underground lair was icing on the cake.

He walked down the staircase and he looked over to his side, his shadow had elongated into a hunched over, cackling figure, rubbing his hands oh-so-maliciously. Balthazar had thought it was the perfectly evil accessory and remembered that he should send fruit baskets to the men that built this lair for him. It looked like a cave, a cave that had been there since the stone-age and was accented with torches. There was nothing in here, save for the chair. The chair was something that Balthazar had wanted so badly, nothing said evil, evil man like a big, high-backed, leather chair. It could swivel too, due to the built in joy-stick and in case of the good guy showing up, there was an ejection button to help him get away. He had wanted to put in bizarre large computer systems where henchmen could look like they are pushing buttons and accomplishing something sinister but his interior decorator had said that they were so 1997. Balthazar was a demon of the times. He pranced down the stairs and walked over to his captive.

His hands were bound by rope and there was a white handkerchief tied tightly around his mouth. Balthazar was a smart one, knowing that John would have screamed and got help. Balthazar couldn't have had his new boy-toy get away from him. He leered at him and smirked, the lederhosen was a nice touch. As a young demon, Balthazar had seen the Disney film, "Pinocchio" and ever since then, he had a fetish for dark haired men in lederhosen. There was always the chance that in time, John would learn to sing and dance for him: "I've Got No Strings."

"Hello, Johnny boy," Balthazar said as he took off the gag.

"Ah treacherous fiend!" John cried out.

"Now, now, there's no need for such words, John," Balthazar cackled and then launched into another fit of MWAHAHAHA! He felt like such an evil, evil demon. He watched as John's eyes got big and he quivered, launching himself back into the fetal position. Oh no, what was he to do?

"Leave me alone, foul creature. My hero shall come, bearing the banner of our love and defeat thee," John whispered before breaking into tears again.

"Oh yes, Mr. Kramer," Balthazar's gaze turned dark and he pulled his fingers together, fiddling and going into plot mode. "My arch-nemesis and biggest foe. He has thwarted many of my plans but I highly doubt he will this time. I have my hench-woman out looking for him and not to mention," his eyes took on a really malicious light. "My secret plan!" then followed by MWAHAHAHA!

"OH NOES! What are we to do now?" John cried aloud, knowing that things were to get really ugly.

"I know what you are going to do now," Balthazar said as he rubbed John's chest, only covered by the straps of his lederhosen. He liked the feeling of those overwhelming muscles, muscles that belonged to a Greek god, to Fabio, to a model in an International Male catalogue. He squealed like a little girl and clapped his hands, preening as he walked away from John. John looked on in horror as he watched the mastermind at work.

Balthazar did have one nifty gadget, a button. He clicked this button that was mounted into the wall and two things appeared from behind the wall. One was a bed, a bed covered in kitschy magenta velvet bedspread and rotated, going in a complete 360 motion. Then, there was the library that Balthazar kept. No, this didn't house books but rather, a massive CD collection with a state-of-the-art stereo and a gigantic DVD collection, complete with a plasma television with a built-in DVD player. Balthazar was a connoisseur of such items. His music collection hosted such greats as Cher, Madonna, ABBA, Barbra, Liza and many other chanteuses he had felt was perfect to get his groove on. Then with film, he had such titles as "Dude, Where's My Dildo," "Shaving Ryan's Privates, "Naked Sword," and his favorite: "Bulging Jockstraps." Balthazar had spent his time on earth collecting such items and he knew. He just knew that these things would make John a willing love monkey.

He pulled out a copy of "It's Raining Men" and smirked at John. "Dance, my little wooden puppet, dance!" he called out and then yet again, launched into maniacal laughter.

John started shaking his booty and yet, he bit back the tears. He knew that Chas was coming, that this would all come to an end. But as he danced, he muttered to himself, "I'll huff and I'll puff…"


	4. Chapter 4

With Or Without You

Part Four

Chas had made it to the Golden Pagoda. Word from his informant, Tricky-Ricky, had told him that Evie was here. Chas had plenty of informants; his name was like law on streets that were lawless. Chas didn't like to dwell on it too much but he believed himself to be like a modern day Clint Eastwood. He had remember seeing "Dirty Harry" on late night television back at John's apartment and he knew that he was that kind of bad-ass. He knew that he was able to fuck shit up like old Dirty Harry and tonight, the fuckers were going down. No one dared touch his man and get away with it. Chas found his inspiration in that man and tonight, he was going to do him proud.

He walked into the Golden Pagoda and was greeted by a familiar face. Midnite sat in the Lotus position, becoming one with everything, just like a hot dog cooked by an authentic hot dog vendor. Chas thought of Buddha, of Shiva, of Richard Gere when he hugged the Dalai Lama and he had known that he was getting into some hard-core action. He believed this was another level, he had come far and now, he bowed before the meditating, Voodoo pimp, awaiting his words of wisdom.

"Young grasshopper, you have come far, all the way from the Strip," Midnite said, making sure that his diction was clipped and any emotion was removed. Chas once more thought of the Hong-Kong action films he had saw and he knew this was for real.

"I know, Sensei," Chas said and knelt further down and then was greeted by a hard slap on the back of his head.

"Do not call me Sensei; you have not learned the secrets to become master. I must teach you, before battle inside those doors. You have much to learn and in not much time to learn it," Midnite replied.

"Oh teach me, teach me!" Chas pleaded.

"Technique is very, very simple. This will help you overcome everything, I assure," Midnite stated. He lifted his hands from his lap and then made circular motions with his hands. "Wax on, wax off," he said. He gave a small nudge with his foot to convince Chas to follow his motions. "Wax on, wax off."

"Wax on, wax off," Chas replied and he felt amazing. He felt like a master of the universe, he felt like Bob Ross when he finished a painting. He felt like Neo when he discovered he was the one. He was ready to kick ass and he felt enlightened.

"Now, go young grasshopper. Go and fight!" Midnite said, not sounding at all like the announcer in Chas' copy of Mortal Kombat that he played as a child and he didn't tilt his head back and laughed in a stereotypical, Asian sort of way, either. Chas was ready and he ran past him, heading right into the fray.

Chas went inside and sitting at the tables were groups of demons, all dressed in ninja outfits. Chas had heard of these bad asses before, they were called the Crazy Sixty-Nines. He had heard of them because they had heeded the words of their master, Evie. But Chas wasn't afraid, not at all. Even though their eyes were glowing red and even though they quickly pushed the chairs and tables out of the way to make room to battle it out, Chas was ready. He remembered the sacred technique that Midnite had taught him and he readied his gun.

"Give me some sugar, baby!" Chas cried out as he pulled the trigger. The first of the Crazy Sixty-Nines became burnt s'more before him and he licked his lips. He was definitely in the mood for the carnage.

They came, left and right, left and right, dosey-doe, like a demonic hoe-down. He kept blowing them away, feeling so totally bad-ass. He remembered once, that John had said he liked Arnold Schwarzenegger and he felt like him now, especially in "Predator." He watched as they became ash around him. "Yeah, keep it coming," he said and he was amazed, that never once did he run out of ammunition.

He soon realized that the Crazy Sixty-Nines were no more. They were piles of ash and Chas felt like he was lost in the base of one of John's ashtrays. He choked on the scent of sulfur and the air seemed absolutely putrid. He tried not to puke and seeing his way through it proved hectic. He stood still; practicing the technique he was just taught. Magically, the smoke had cleared and he didn't saw who had come up behind him. She took the gun right away from him and there, he stood defenseless.

There she stood, sword in hand and chest heaving. She was like Artemis, like Nemesis, like Xena and Foxy Cleopatra all in one. Her hazel eyes glared at the boy as she tossed the gun aside. She was dressed like one of the Crazy Sixty-Nines, save for the fact that she had a red sash around her waist. Chas wondered who was underneath it all. But he thought about it and didn't care; he just knew that she had to go down.

"You have almost ruined my plans, Mr. Kramer," she spat out, like his name was flat soda pop.

"That's what happens when people misbehave," Chas threw back.

"You will never have John, never ever, never ever. He is mine and my leader's and we will do whatever it takes to keep him in lederhosen, forever! Now, prepare to fight," Evie said as she tossed Chas a sword and he couldn't believe the sword that he had in his hands. It was a legendary sword, the sword in the stone, Excalibur. He took it as a sign, a sign that he was going to whip her ass right here and now and tip the scale from good to bad.

Chas and Evie clashed swords and they fought. Chas thought once more of Kill Bill and it was just like that. He was the Bride and she was Oren, this was a battle without honor or mercy. Chas was covered in her blood and she couldn't even touch Chas once, because he was amazing like that. He watched as she stumbled to the ground, knowing that he had won this battle.

As she lay there, gasping her last breathes, Chas walked over and pulled off her mask, wanting to know she was. And lo and behold, oh noes and all that, it was Angela Dodson. He couldn't believe it, John's best friend besides him and trusted fag-hag was the ruthless culprit. She gasped and tried to hide her face but she knew it was too late. The great and mighty Chas had her and that was that.

"Damn you," she hissed.

"Why Angela? Why?" Chas tried not to cry, because he was manly, damn manly.

"Because, I love John too. I love him more than you could you little boy," she hissed again, like the snake in the "Jungle Book."

"Bullshit. Did you think that you could get away with it?" Chas asked.

"Of course I did and I would have, if it wasn't for you mangy kids and your dumb dog," Angela yet again hissed, because evil was hissing.

Chas got it out of her and oh noes, he was horrified. He was utterly horrified. It had turned out that Angela had snapped when she had learned that John had made cookies for Chas and not her. It made her join the evil coalition with Balthazar to make John theirs. In his frustration, he cut off her head. It might have seen brutal but it was necessary, damned necessary. Evil needed to die and Chas knew where he was heading now.

The night had seemed a bit darker and a bit colder but he didn't care. He looked at the skyline and the biggest building in that skyline. He had to finish this once and for all.


	5. Chapter 5

With Or Without You

Part Four

-Meanwhile, Back At The Ranch-

Balthazar was as pleased as the fat man who just pulled up at the all you can eat buffet. His minions, a group of tiny demons, with green hair and breeches, had just delivered his new toy. Balthazar was rather grateful for these demons. They didn't come from Hell, like most demons did but instead; they came from a candy factory in England. True, he had never saw demons with orange skin and has the tendency to sing morality songs but they got the job done. They made him feel extra evilly.

"Now, my plan is complete! MWAHAHAHAHA!" Balthazar cried out and launched into fits of laughter. He watched as they brought in the super evil, super diabolical, mind-warping machine. Yes, Balthazar had tried evilly demon mechanisms but he had found that there was nothing quite like a mind-warping machine. It made him feel, you guessed it, tremendously evil. He let out another cackle and twiddled his fingers together. "Excellent," he muttered.

"You won't get away with this, thou foul fiend!" John cried from his chains. True, the chains were part of the last game that they had played but Balthazar had also found them affective for other things besides fulfilling S&M fantasies. There was just something about hearing John cry "More! Spank me daddy!" that warmed Balthazar on the inside but right now, he had to finish the plan. He gave a small skip and strolled over to John.

"Oh but I think I will. Who's to stop me?" Balthazar cackled and then launched into another fit of MWAHAHAHA! He so wished that there was a contest for maniacal laughter, he'd win the gold metal for sure and he knew that gold medal would look so fabulous with his gold spandex pants.

"Chas will, I believe in my love. He is my warrior!" John cried out again.

"Oh yes, Mr. Kramer," Balthazar's gaze turned dark. "I do hope that he will show. I have something planned for Mr. Kramer."

"What?" John asked.

Balthazar leered and then clapped his hands once. In the middle of the floor, a circular opening came from nowhere. The opening was a trap door, filled with water and sharks swimming about with laser beams attached to their heads. In "How To Be A Malicious Overlord And Take Over Humanity" by A. Demon, it had said that sharks with laser beams attached to their heads was the sign of true malicious overlord. Balthazar had always wanted to be a malicious overlord. He remembered once, when he went to demonic elementary school in Peoria, he had written an essay about how he had wanted to be a malicious overlord when he grew up. He got an A on that paper and he was assured, that he'd get an A now.

"OH NOES! SHARKS WITH LASER BEAMS ATTACHED TO THEIR HEADS!" John cried out, shaking in his chains and lederhosen.

"Yes!" Balthazar cackling. It was true what that book had said, that seeing the good guys tremble with fear was most exhilarating, like biting into a York Peppermint Patty. But, he knew that there was something much more fulfilling, which was making something completely yours.

"Now, be a good boy for daddy and look into this!" Balthazar demanded and John, being too scared to fight back, did so.

It was a whirling umbrella, a bright red and white that moved in a circular pattern, hypnotizing him. He felt the man that he had been before slip right away from him and in his place was a man that wanted to cuddle with his Balthy-Walthy. He wanted to curl in his lap and be his kitten. Wait that was what he was, Balthazar's kitten. After the mind-warping machine turned off, Balthazar cackled.

"Johnny-boy?" Balthazar grinned.

"Meow," he cooed.

"Good boy," Balthazar said as he stroked his head. Balthazar knew that there was no way that Chas Kramer could beat this but he would never know, for at that moment, there had been a breach in security.


	6. Chapter 6

With Or Without You

Part Five

Chas entered the BZR building and had found it surprisingly easy. There were no guards around, any security. Finding the BZR building had proved just as easy, all he had to do was follow the yellow brick road and the signs that said, in bright, bold neon lights, "THE VILLAIN IS HERE! FIVE MILES UP THE ROAD!" Chas was thankful for that and he strolled into the building and hoped that it was going to be just as easy to get John back.

He looked around, never knowing if some scum was waiting behind a darkened corner. But he had to admit, though not freely, that this place frightened him. Even though the place had looked thoroughly modern, it was the paintings on the walls that had set him on edge. The first one was of Balthazar dressed in stiletto heels, complete with a white feather boa draped around his neck. Then there was another one of him with Rupert Everett and Rufus Wainwright at some strange sort of bar but then, there was another that frightened him the most. In the center of the hallway, there was a picture of dogs playing poker. There was nothing that said so evil like dogs playing poker. Seeing such filth made Chas even more determined.

Chas felt a creeping feeling, the same sort of feeling that one got hanging around a dirty old man

who lived in a van and offered candy to kids. He had the sneaking suspicion that he had eyes on him and he looked around. Was it a demon from the underworld ready to take him to his doom? Was it one of Balthazar's henchmen going to make him jump on the good foot and do the bad thing? Well, no but what he did get was a shower of bullets, that he dodged like Neo from "The Matrix."

Angela stood at the very front of the hallway, holy shotgun in hand and a smirk on her face. She tilted her head back and let out a malicious laugh, one very reminiscent of her boss. "Mr. Kramer, we meet again," she said.

"I thought you were dead," Chas said, staring defiantly at her, his eyes filled with steel.

"Ah but the villain does not die! Have you ever seen "Friday The 13th" or "Halloween?" I was resurrected to finish the job! MWAHAHAHAHA!" she cackled and then shot off another load of bullets.

Chas was very pissed off, pissed off like Yosemite Sam when Bugs Bunny got one over him. He summoned his dragon strength and let out a fierce "Xena" cry. He pulled his legs back and did the fighting move that Liu Kang did in "Mortal Kombat." He knocked Angela down to the ground and took the gun away from her. She looked up at him with doe eyes, pleading.

"Please don't hurt me, Mr. man! I'm sorry; I'll never do it again!" Angela cried.

"Well, I have one question for you," Chas said as he prepared his gun. "Do you feel lucky? Huh, do you punk?" he asked and then popped a cap in her ass. This time, she was really dead, for sure.

But before Chas could think, out came some of Balthazar's demon henchmen. They were glittery, they were shiny, they had perfect eyeliner and dazzling red lips. They were the drag queen contingent of Hell that served Balthazar like a king. Chas smirked at them, reloaded his gun and gestured with his hand to bring it on.

The henchmen came after him and sequins were flying, It was fight to rival a Bruce Lee movie. Chas had spent twelve years in China, learning karate from a well-known master by the name of Mr. Miyagi. Chas whipped their asses and he felt like a man, a very brave and kick-ass man. But, before Chas, could rebound on one of the demonic queens, he was caught. He was caught in a fishnet lasso that stripped him of his powers.

"I feel… so… weak," Chas grunted.

"Now, Mr. Kramer, we'll show you to our leader. Won't that be just fabulous?" the queen crooned and skipped downstairs with Chas in tow.

Balthazar was waiting downstairs, twiddling his fingers and smirking maliciously. There was nothing like smirking. It made one feel eviill… Which he knew he did so well. He was the Michael Jordan of evil, he was the Bill Gates of evil and he was the Fonz of evil. He would have let out a cackle but he saw the henchmen bringing down Chas. So, he smirked, knowing that this was going to over and done with.

"Ah, Mr. Kramer, we meet at last," Balthazar said.

"Let John go, you foul fiend!" Chas cried out.

"No, I don't think I will. John belongs to me, you see. Completely to me," Balthazar said and he had thought what the hell, he let out a MWAHAHAHA!

"No one belongs to you," Chas replied.

"Well, since I am the evil guy here, I will tell you my nefarious plan and give you a way out of this and save the day. It was in my book, so I have to do it. Well, on the night that John had taken your virginity, I came in, stealthily and snatched him from you. From that time on, I put him my favorite fashion accessory and had him dance for me. But then, I realized, that wasn't getting the job done. I brainwashed him with my mind-warping machine and now, he's this glorious creature you see before you," he said and with a clap of the hands, out came John. John crawled on all fours, meowing and playing with a ball of string.

"NO!" Chas cried out.

"YES!" Balthazar cried out. "You see, he is now mine, he's my little kitten, so neener!"

Chas bit his lip and he was not about cry in front of this monster. Balthazar had caused such things as pollution, war, famine and death but this was far worse. He saw his beloved, no better than a small kitten, helpless, defenseless and playing with string. Chas felt like he was like dying inside, all he hoped now was that John could find a way back to him.

"John… John… I'm still here, your Chassy Bear is here," Chas whispered, soothingly.

"Meow," John replied.

"You monster, I won't let you get away with this!" Chas challenged.

"Oh but I already have. Now, Fanny, tie him to that hook hanging above this," Balthazar said and then waved his hand to reveal a tank full of sharks with laser beams attached to their heads.

"OH NOES! Sharks with laser beams attached to their heads!" Chas cried out.

Fanny the cross-dressing henchmen tied Chas to the hook and then, Balthazar pressed a button. The hook lowered slowly over the opened pool, so slowly that Chas saw slugs race by, turtles speed across and two presidential elections take place. But, Balthazar cackled some more.

But the strangest thing had happened. John snapped out his stupor and saw the situation and it made him boil with anger.

"NO MORE!" John said and he grabbed the holy shotgun but stared at it very quizzically. He didn't know how to fire it.

Balthazar looked at this situation and he knew that the jig was up. He squealed like a little girl and ran away, his hands going limp and flailing about like a dead fish. He ran and pressed another button and ran into a special, secret place. It was the place where his space-ship, shaped like a smiley-face, lied in wait. He got inside and pressed the ignition buttons. The boosters blazed and he knew soon, he was heading to space, to wait and plot for another day.

John looked at Chas with a sigh and they both knew that this event in their life was over.

Two Days Later

Chas was sitting in the apartment and he felt John's arms wrapped around him, holding him tight. John lacquered kisses on his neck and squeezed his bottom. Today was perfect, they had spent the day baking cakes, singing songs and hugging, there was a ton of hugging. Then there was hand-holding and picking out where they were going to have their wedding gift registry at. It was perfect.

"John?" Chas asked.

"Yes, sugar-dumpling?" John asked.

"Will we always be together?" Chas asked again.

"Always," John said and silenced him with a sweet kiss.

And they lived happily ever after.

Meanwhile, in dark cold bowels of space.

The smiley-faced space-ship floated silently and Balthazar cackled as he glared maliciously at the earth. Someday soon, he was going to come back to Los Angeles, to finish the job he had started.

"MWAHAHA!" he cackled and then sailed on.

The End


End file.
